Ordinary Tales of Not-So-Ordinary Mothers
All mothers are extraordinary. Mother’s Day is obviously a day to glorify and celebrate motherhood. The divinity of it, how no one is quite like a mother, how blessed we are for mothers and how they are indeed the only superheroes we need. But apart from all the cliched quotes and romanticizing the phenomenon, how much insight do we really have into the lives and struggles of a mom? Do we sometimes realize, that they are, after all, very normal humans like you and me who might have ordinary, everyday tales? What is their story, their perspective?
So, On this Mother’s Day, let us dig deep into some of the ordinary lives of an everyday , yet not-so-ordinary Mother.
Stories which come from the heart! <3
Saumita Ghosh Chaki
Becoming a mother changes your life in a certain inexplicable way. One experiences Changes big and small that cannot be quite put into words or explained properly. Having my daughter, brought out feelings in me that I never thought existed or never thought I was capable of experiencing. To have a life dependent upon you in every way is sometimes overwhelming and sometimes very tedious. To put into details the sleepless nights and diaper changes and feeding at odd hours would become a tiresome job in itself and its best left at that 😀 . Being a working mother has a lot of challenges. Post my daughter’s delivery, and after the end of my maternity leave, I have faced a number of challenges on the work front. They refused to accept my maternity leave, I was almost on the verge of losing my job but I continued to fight for right dabbling it with bringing up my daughter in the best way possible.
My work location requires me to journey extensively on a daily basis. This I do, leaving my child under the care of my house help and her grandfather. Even though I know she’s under good care, the constant worrying about your child never quite leaves you gut. It is always there. I won’t say that I have a very supportive husband and all.. Rather I shall say me n my husband has always been a team in whatever endeavors we have undertaken jointly but after the arrival of our daughter his involvement in everything is not only praiseworthy but it stuns me sometimes as to how much effort he makes so that everything is just ‘the right ‘ for our daughter. It also enables me to dabble with my job life n journey in a little easier way. My transit timings vary from 5.5-6 hours daily and that is excluding office timings. After a full day at work, I get stone-tired and often dizzy and sleep-deprived. Some days are extremely tough. On days when your job-life stress couples with your own tired body, all you want to do is sleep like a log. But that doesn’t always happen when you have a toddler at home.
Your child needs you the most and after a long day, whatever might be the situation her smile, her antics always brightens up your day. Being a mother you also constantly have self-doubts as to whether or not you are heading in the right direction in bringing up your child. You think how a certain action might affect her future. But then on self-retrospection me and my husband do realise that we can only try our best, and leave the rest to unfold. . You give your 100% to one person. Your life perspective changes. Arjesa, now 2.5 years old, is the brightest star in our lives, her laughter and cries, her naughty actions and smart ones all work up together to make life happy and fulfilling. And on days when you are angry, drained and want to leave everything and vanish her smile makes it all worthwhile!
Have you been on a long, scary yet fun filled roller coaster ride ? Welcome to motherhood! Reyansh entered my life on 11th March 2016 and introduced me to the world of sleepless nights , diapers, lots of poop and unending nursery rhymes ! At times scary, at times frustrating, yet most gratifying. Motherhood brought with it so many new lessons . It taught me to be selfless, patient and understanding but most of all it taught me the meaning of unconditional love. It’s amazing how on days when I’m tired, grumpy and ready to tear my hair out , my son’s loving smile and slobbery kisses can bring the calm back instantly. It’s the beginning of a lifetime of worrying about your child but also the start of a beautiful friendship. My son is only three but he’s my best friend and I can’t fathom life without him.
Being a mother hasn’t been easy . I make mistakes , I struggle and I learn everyday because I’m not perfect. I am not a superwoman. This Mother’s Day I would like to wish all the imperfect mothers for the brilliant tireless job they do every single day of their lives . You don’t need to be perfect to be a mother ! We have the toughest job but we wouldn’t give it up for anything in the world ! – Pooja Bhat, mother to 3 year old Reyansh
Dipsuta Ghosh Saha
My daughter’s arrival has truly changed my life. It has not been a bed of roses. Though she is 18 months of age now, there are still many nights when she stays awake. Her father and I take turns sleeping. During the day I do get a lot of help from my in laws and parents in taking care of her. We do not have any outside help for her and to be honest I enjoy doing her daily activities. She loves to take a bath and so bath time is a lot of fun. Another plus point for her is that she loves food. So feeding her is not a very difficult task. But unfortunately she does take a lot of time to finish her meals and that becomes very tiring. She is very jolly and loves to make friends, but curiously enough not with kids of her own age group. She always has a lot of people around her which I think is very good for her development. But unfortunately this also means that she is pampered a lot, being the first one of her generation. My present challenge is to curb this in every way possible as I don’t think spoiling her would be a good idea.
I also want to take her out as much as possible but this is not always happening due to various reasons. I am a stay at home mom trying to become a work from home one. This becomes challenging at times. My parenting style is also questioned a lot. This was originally quite hurtful. But I have learnt gradually not to pay any attention and prefer doing everything my way. On the other hand, I do seek advice from my elders when I feel at a loss because they obviously have a lot more experience than me. Keeping true to the Bengali style of naming children, she has two names, officially Kritisha and pet name Torsha. I am having a wonderful time being her mother and looking forward eagerly to the rest of the journey.
Nabanita Chanda Saha
She was 2years when suddenly one day I became a single parent..when her father left for the heaven abode. It was hard for me in the beginning as she was very close to her father. Then came the time to get her admitted in a school. Due to my job and many other reasons I had to put her in a school cum creche. She used to go with me and come with me. Sometimes it made me feel guilty, but I had no other option. When she was 3years old, she was diagnosed with Nephrotic Syndrome. She needed extra care, routine check ups and strict diet to follow. She was very young and to make her do all these became too difficult for me. By God’s grace she’s is fine these days with many relapses earlier. She is going to turn 10 next month. Sometimes I wonder how I managed all these years. School, tiffin, home work, crafts, birthdays, outings, doctors, and for everything else she needs me. I am there, but yes I want her to be independent and I know she soon will be one.
Nowadays when I return from office she takes my bag, sometimes give me massage, does her homework by herself and yes it brings a smile on my face. Though I had an great support from my both the families but I think, the moment you become a mother some extra-ordinary power comes to life within you. And this is enough to keep on going.
Paramita Deb Sinha
My life wasn’t exactly like that of a fairytale princess since childhood. Our father always to say to us that -‘Be a self-sufficient woman and stand up for yourself’. Although I belonged from a joint family, I have always been a self-sufficient and independent woman from childhood. Self-independence and new experiences increased many-fold once I left home for higher studies. My love life also blossomed alongside then , but then since it was a long-distance relation for the major part, I learned to grow up in the new big city life all by myself and was enjoying this new-found life and had got used to this independent living. But then somewhat pressure from my family led to our marriage, even though I was not fully prepared at the time.
But whatever, after marriage I slowly built our new family life, re-designed our home and life from scratch with extreme love and care. I was enjoying my life, managing family life – cooking – travelling – working – adjusting to new life situations when life changed suddenly. After 3 years of marriage, I got Pregnant. I was very happy with the news. This feeling of completeness cannot be quite explained in words.
My pregnancy period felt just like another honeymoon period. To feel that a life was growing inside me slowly is a strange feeling that one can relate to only when one experiences it. I am glad that I could experience it. But alongwith that there was also a new-found sense of responsibility as well. It was as if with my son, I had learnt to understand the world in a new way, with a new conception. After he was born, initially, I couldn’t understand why was he crying, what were his needs- I used to feel very helpless. Then, gradually, with him I also learned to be a ‘MOM’.
My baby is 2 years old now and now I understand how a mother understands everything without their child even saying so. When I was young and mom figured out all my mischief, I used to wonder how did my mother know it all. Now I know. You can’t really hide anything from your from your mother. The whole idea is very silly actually and sometimes even they understand, they can keep your secret a secret 🙂 As my son is growing up and is learning to talk, to walk – I can visualize my childhood through him. I can relate everything to him like I was a very naughty child, so is my son 😀
When he was 2 months old, I joined my new job as government school teacher. Leaving him home to a baby-sitter, for the first time was very difficult during the initial days. It is very painful to leave your child for an entire day. I used to think about him always and see his pictures all day long. When he gets sick, those are the hardest days of all. When he was 4 months old, his father went on a Himalayan Base Camp Trek for 15 days. During that phase, I suddenly felt that I have so much responsibility on my shoulders that it was quite overwhelming. But from then on, I have learned to face all the hurdles as it comes. Maybe being self-dependent from childhood helped me then. Dependency lies with both mother and father but a mother’s responsibility is even more. Perhaps it is meant to be like this.
Every experience is a new one, but then, sometimes, when you are giving your 100% to your family and kid, a mother also wishes for a shoulder to rest upon for a while.
I conceived 5 years after marriage and my pregnancy period was not a smooth one. There were much tension hitting home one after another. The worst of all was the fact that the umbilical chord got coiled around my child’s neck, 2 months prior to his delivery. Doctors did not agree to a premature delivery, hence the last two months was spent in a great deal of anxiety. To top it all, my gynecologist went out of station suddenly, just before my delivery.
Post my delivery also, I was completely responsible for the well-being of my child and did everything alone. I kept my 13 month old baby with my mother and started studying for my B.Ed. It was a hard time juggling studies, career and bringing up my son. He used to hang over my shoulders while I studied. Being a mother is quite romanticised in books and popular culture but in actuality it is a big responsibility. You need to think about every small and big aspect of your child’s well being. I am very concerned about the well-being of my child. Since my husband’s job requires him to tour a lot and stay out of station, I attend to all the major needs of my child myself.
“Congratulations, guys! You’re soon going to be parents.” Any couple on this earth, especially those who were longing for a child since years, will feel blessed and happy on hearing these magical words from an expert. For us, these words came as a wonderful surprise from my doctor as we were not planning to be parents anytime soon. Even now when we look at our baby we think how he is more than a blessing to us.
2017: It was a whirlpool phase for both of us when my husband (who works for a reputed IT company) got promoted and his US Visa got approved, and we were asked to move to US for his onsite job. I had mixed feelings regarding the transfer – as it would mean leaving my well-established career here as an Editor in an MNC and being a dependent housewife in US – but I was rather happy for my husband and prayed to god for our wellbeing in an unknown land. After we landed in Phoenix in July, life has been very hectic since then – house hunting, settling down, doing all the household chores by ourselves, having a baby, and so on. We had been married since 3 years and we both wanted to be parents someday, but never did we know that this would happen so soon. My pregnancy was not planned at all – I had PCOS in my teens and consulted many Gynecologists. I preferred yoga and gym over the usual steroids/hormonal medications that they prescribed. My problems were irregular periods and heavy bleeding, followed by occasional cysts on my uterus. Thus, right after settling down in US, we took an appointment with a renowned Gynecologist in September for my medical exam. However, our biggest shock and surprise came when we heard from the doctor, “Congratulations! You’re already 6 weeks pregnant. Here you can see your baby’s tiny heartbeat on the monitor.” OMG! We didn’t know how to react at that time – The moment froze for both of us, the clock stopped ticking, our hearts stopped beating, and we gasped in astonishment and happiness. Now, you all might be thinking how did you not know that you were pregnant and what’s a big deal about it? As I’d said earlier, I always had irregular periods, my periods were 2-3 months apart, thus never did it strike inside my head that I might be pregnant. Also, I have heard and seen many PCOS cases where it was very difficult for a woman to get pregnant, and if at all through various means (IUI, IVF, and so on) one gets pregnant, sometimes the uterus doesn’t support the pregnancy and the person has to undergo the trauma of a miscarriage, and so on. All these thoughts kept on lurking inside my head before and after the doctor’s visit, and after completing numerous blood tests we returned home. My pregnancy journey was not smooth enough – right after the seventh week, I started nauseating and vomiting, I couldn’t eat anything (except icecream, salad, and a fistful of rice – the mere smell of masalas, onion, and nonveg items made me vomit), my weight dropped down gradually and steadily, I always felt weak and traumatized (thinking what if I lose my baby), and as my husband was working on a new project and it was his first onsite visit, taking care of me, cooking and cleaning, working at odd hours in day and night also made him apprehensive about my pregnancy and health. Also, my hCG levels were increasing day by day at a random pace so much so that doctors thought I might be carrying twins, but the other embryo was not visible – so they came to a conclusion of ‘Vanishing Twins’ syndrome. I felt so lonely here without my family and friends, I didn’t want to go out, I repented of coming here in US and longed to see my family – all these made me cry and throw tantrums sometimes. My husband always understood this and patiently tried to keep me happy and calm as far as he could. A few of my new friends here helped me a lot by talking to me, meeting me, inviting me at their house, going out with me, and cooking for me. I will forever be grateful and indebted to them. Eventually, I started feeling better from the end of the second trimester with care and drugs prescribed by the doctor. I still remember the day when I didn’t vomit for a single time and it was around Christmas. Things began to get better eventually, only to get worse later.
2018 (Last trimester): “I’m sorry to say that you’ve been diagnosed with gestational diabetes and low blood and platelets count. You’ve to be on a strict diet from today so that both you and your baby don’t have diabetes later, and you’ve a normal delivery.” These words from my OB-GYN came as a big blow to us – It was just a couple of months that I’d started to eat normally and now this! It was so heartbreaking for me as I didn’t want my baby to go through all this, and I always wanted a normal delivery (also in foreign countries, doctors don’t operate on you until and unless it’s very necessary). I religiously started to follow the diet regime and medicines prescribed by a diabetologist. I was hungry half of the day, still didn’t indulge myself on high carbs and sugar diets to avoid any future complications. I missed my parents very badly and kept on counting the days for my baby’s delivery. My in-laws flew down here to give us company, and eventually that was a big help to us.
May 2018: “Wow! Your baby’s movements and heartbeat have developed a lot – you’re soon going to be a mom.” These words from our doctor made us both nervous and ecstatic. As I’d gestational diabetes, the doctor decided on a date after my birthday (May 14) to deliver the baby by induced vaginal birth (breaking the water with hormonal injections at the hospital and then injecting epidural anesthesia to lessen the labor pain). I got a call from the hospital on the day after my birthday to get ready for the admission on that day. Everything went on well until the evening of May 15 when my labor pain started, and it became excruciating as the time passed. The medical practitioners after checking noticed that my platelets were severely low and thus I wouldn’t be able to take an epidural until the count rises satisfactorily. I had to bear the labor pain for almost five hours, and was given a total of three counts of platelets. Trust me my respect for all the moms soared high up while I was undergoing this, also I could see the pain and respect for me on my husband’s eyes who was with me throughout the entire procedure. Finally, I was given an epidural late night, and then I slept like the princess Sleeping Beauty. The baby started crowning after a few pushes early morning on May 16, which was much of a shock to everyone as I was doing it like a pro. The baby came out so easily as if urging to see his parents and the world soon. I will be so thankful to him my entire life for being such a cooperative one. The moment the doctor handed him over to me on my chest right after delivery, tears of joy rolled down our cheeks – I still couldn’t believe that I’d become a mom – it was such a special, euphoric feeling. Two days after the delivery, we went home from the hospital and then another struggle started – breastfeeding my baby. He was reluctant to breastfeed and was formula-fed almost the entire day. Yes! And that didn’t hamper his health as is sometimes told by many that ‘formula milk’ is not good for babies – of course, a mother’s milk is the best for her baby, but a few babies, like mine, who are happy on formulas, please moms go ahead with the doctor’s permission.
2019: My baby is soon going to be a year old, and we’re busy gearing up for his first birthday celebration. He can speak a few words, crawl and walk, play and giggle, and so on. All I would say is that time just flies, so get hold on to each and every moment, dive and experience this beautiful journey of pregnancy and motherhood, capture whatever you feel is new and special to you – if not with a camera then with all your heart, mind, soul, and eyes – for miracles happen only once in your life. And giving birth to a soul by risking your life and facing all challenges is no less than a miracle and conquering a war single-handedly. Being a mom has changed me to a great extent – No, not only my physical state but also my mental strength. Whatever I felt was impossible for me to accomplish before has become a cakewalk for me now. You never know you have so much hidden potentialities until you become a mom. Every day is a challenge for me – feeding the baby, taking care of him and the house, addressing to his desires and tears, being a friend to my husband, and so on – and I accept these challenges with no yearning for appreciation or medals. Don’t feel shy or try to hide your stretch marks or plump belly after the delivery – for that are your baby’s first drawings and was your baby’s nest, respectively. What do I miss? My job, my family and friends, and my life way back home. What did I gain? I AM A PROUD MOM!
Sagarika Das Podder
My Son will turn 3 years soon and is still on diapers, my daughter who is 5.5 years old throws tantrums in public places, screams at the top of her lungs when its least expected, verbal lashing doesn’t help much and things get worse. Being a mommy of two and “Work at home mom”I’m always on the go. Its extremely difficult to balance things out and many a times I often feel I’m failing in some part or the other. But again, Some days I just kill it and accomplish a lot!! So, I raise a toast to myself this “Mothers day” and I know that I’m not a perfect mom but a hard working mom who tries to catch vomit with her hand a number of times. My kids also make it sure to spill the raita whenever I want to relish a plate full of Biriyani and the next moment they get busy playing pat- a- cake on the floor
Yes, Motherhood is tough…Cleaning poopy diapers , dealing with sick kids and taking care of basic chores is challenging and I’m not at all feeling guilty to talk about it. The struggle is real.
There were days when I had to stay up entire night to finish my pending task, I had to struggle to breast feed my babies, once my toddler spit all over my face early morning as she was mad at me. Honestly, I didn’t cherish each and every moment of my motherhood…… So, does it make me a bad mom?? No, it doesn’t..
There is a saying.. “It takes a village to raise a child” but in my case only two of us did it, me and my husband . We took turns and shared our responsibilities. I took break when I needed and I always knew our kids need us the most. So, we were always around. My little bosses are very loving but extremely strong willed and I love them from core of my heart..
I want to convey this message to all new mums out there that, its ok to cry , its ok if you are stressed and exhausted, I just want to remind you, You are powerful, you are strong. Slow down, be grateful and change your mood
Today, I thank my kids for teaching me so many lessons and making me smile when I’m sad. I’m a mom blogger and my munchkins are the reason why I started sharing my experiences, I shared my honest motherhood journey with lots of people around. My first blog was “It takes two to raise two” in which I shared my real life experience and as my blogs were getting featured one after another, I took blogging seriously. But the flow didn’t last long. Doubts crept in and I stopped writing but today after a break of one year I again jotted my feelings because its “My day”, “Its our day”, its “Mother’s Day” and we mums rock !! <3
There is nothing much left to say – HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! How are you celebrating?